Fanfic – Two Characters from Shards

Bookspirit99 sent me this as a guest submission quite a while ago, but between homework, ministry, and a stomach bug going through my house I haven’t had much time to catch up. She wrote it in response to the Valentine’s Prompt for a Sci-Fi Love Story, and she definitely went for romance here. Please give her some feedback.

One of my goals with this blog is to develop my own skills as a writer, and also encourage the same among others. If you’re a regular reader and you also have a knack for creative writing, I’d love to take a look at what you’ve got, so feel free to contact me and send something. Big kudos to Bookspirit99 for boldly stepping forward and throwing something into the mix. Let’s give her some good constructive criticism and encouragement!

He was in front of the crowd that waited for us in the hanger. Seven weeks ago,  I needed to be shoved into his arms by Susie. Not this time. I’d seen too much and understood now how prescious our moments were. I ran down the ramp and jumped into his arms.

“Abby?” He seemed a little stunned and a lot embarrassed, but he held me pretty tight anyway. “It’s great to see you ag…mmmph!”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and half lifted, half pulled our lips together. His mouth was far too good looking to waste on words, so I  kissed him instead. The crowd let out a whoop and a cheer. I didn’t care. I was home and in the arms of the man I loved. You heard me. I loved him.

Just to give you a little background, Aaron and I have been shunted together by our leaders here at the Resistance. Ever since, we have been fiercely in love and have pledged to marry. It is a risky thing to do in today’s times, but we just have to be together. Even as we say the vows of marriage, we know that they will be true. We will only part at death. Of course, death is very likely here at the Resistance, where we fight daily to rescue innocent souls that have been riped. (If you do not know what this is, ask Luke or read Shards) Daily, even hourly, the Resistance’s army goes out and tries to rescue more ripes, risking their own lives. Aaron and I are a main part of the mission against NATech and the rescue of the innocents.

So, now that we are married, we are forever together. We practice together, work together, live together, everything that is required by the Resistance. It is blissful to walk through the door of our private apartment, greeted by a kiss from Aaron. Even in my usual exhausted state, it is wonderful to come back to Aaron.

“Hey, Aaron,” I say tiredly. He rests his head on my forehead and looks deep into my eyes. I feel like he can see all my troubles, secrets, everything. I am always naked in front Aaron, in a good way. He seems to know everything about me, except for what I have buried so far that I barely even remember it. Then he leans in, and I am so tired that I cannot resist. He kisses me like I am no more than a wildflower in a meadow, soft enough to bruise. We stay that way, in the doorway, until the computer calls us for dinner. Slowly, we break apart and walk down to the mess hall, holding hands.

After dinner, we usually walk over to the basketball court and play a few rounds. We walked over with a few comrades, where Susie was watching a few guys toss the ball around. She hates playing basketball, but she loves watching it.

We joined the guys on the basketball court and started a game. Quickly, the game heated up. More people came over to watch. I scored, then Aaron scored, but then the opposite team started scoring. Quickly the game ended, with us losing, 20-35.

“Hey, want to go back to the apartment and get some rest?” Aaron suggested. Willingly, I walked back with him. Then we split, going to our separate bathrooms. I headed to the Girls’ and found that the Singing Trio was washing up from their workout. I set down my clothes on the counter, started to undress and the trio started a song, one that I had taught them. I joined in and took my shower, which was very refreshing after my workout on the basketball court. After I was done, I brushed my teeth, thinking about Aaron.

I walked slowly back to our apartment, lost in thought. Aaron came up behind me and kissed the nape of my neck. It gave me goosebumps, but I knew it was him. Who else would dare kiss me after I was married?

I turned into the apartment and turned to him. He was there waiting for me. He caught me in his arms and took my mouth in his. We kissed for so long that I thought that I was suffocating. I enjoyed it immensely and was sad to break up the kiss. I broke off the kiss and Aaron let me breathe for a bit before he pulled me onto the bed, again madly kissing me. It felt wonderful.

CHIK CHIK CHIK!! The sound of machine gun fire was heard, startling us two lovers on the bed. We jumped up, grabbed our automatic weapons and sneaked over to the doorway, which we had left open (by accident). Aaron was the first to look down the hallway, ducking quickly back. He whispered to me urgently that there were several NATech people racing down the hallway, fully armed. He explained that we will burst into the hallway, firing, on the count of three.

“One…Two…Three!” He whispered. We burst into the hallway, aiming our guns down it. We saw three armed NATech personel running toward us. We shot furiously and I took down two of them. Aaron took the third one down. We turned to each other, asking if the other was hurt and shared a quick kiss. Then we turned down the hallway together and searched for more battling.


4 thoughts on “Fanfic – Two Characters from Shards

  1. I’ll have to go back and review Shards 2 to see where you added in. I’m pretty sure the opening paragraph you took word-for-word and then departed… am I right?

    You’ve given a brief snapshot of what married life would be like in this world. You use some touches that keep it different from this world and set squarely in sci fi, such as the separate bathrooms. These are good touches.

    I wonder if you could dwell longer on the basketball game? It sounds, right now, more like a report of what happened. Tell us what Abby is thinking; does she appreciate her husband’s playing or is he distracted? Does the other team play as well as the husband-wife duo?

    The attack at the end gives some danger. However, it seems almost “matter-of-fact” as you write it. Do they grab the weapons because they have drilled for this so many times before? If so, why did they have to talk about the plan as they race back into the hallway?

    The romance comes through loud and clear, and you’ve based it within the world well. You use what the Shards author, Peter Prellwitz, established and move forward. The physical movement of the two main characters is well told; I can picture what they are doing.

    Thanks for submitting this. Working within a previously established world allows certain shortcuts that you’ve used to good effect; instead, you can concentrate on improving certain aspects of your writing. Good!

  2. Umm…Yeah. I had to start somewhere. Anyway, thanks for the comments. Looking forward to writing more, though of my own invention. 🙂

  3. It’s not a bad thing to start with that paragraph; it actually works very well as an introduction and helps those who have read the book get a bead on when you’re starting. It was more a note of, “Oh, you’re starting there!” For a fanfic, I think that kind of practice is good.

  4. Thanx. I was kind of trying to help myself by picking a part that fit and I knew to start from. It helped enormously and helped you to catch the train.

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