Why Do I Bother?

Why, oh why, do I bother?

So, one of the neat things on WordPress is the ability to see how many people have viewed not just your site, but each individual page within. I can peruse and see how many people have visited the site today, how many people read this or that post, and what traffic is like each day.

Which, frankly, some days can be a little depressing. I can look back and see that some of the posts have gotten a lot of traffic. For instance, I can see that our top three posts for all time are my review of the novel Caliphate, Brandon’s very early post Soli Deo Gloria, and my more recent post The Problem of Draco Malfoy. If, in fact, this blog exists to encourage Christian science fiction and give the three writers here a chance to write, well, this is a little discouraging as none of those posts are our fiction! It’s awesome that at least some people wanted to read what we’ve put up, but it’s not the writing that belongs to our hearts.

And then I look at my current longer fiction, The Least of Men. Part eight has garnered a whole two views.

Woo. Go me.

So, why should I even bother? Why post fiction at all, if my goal is to get people to read what I’m writing? Why post longer stories when our most popular fiction are the single-post affairs? Stories around a thousand words are not only more likely to get finished on the author end, they seem to be more likely to be read by the individuals who peruse this particular blog.

Well, the simple truth is: I’m not in it for the readers. No offense to y’all out there, but I’m in it for me. I write because the story is inside me. I write because I want to explore certain vistas and get to know certain characters. I want to know that I can write consistently.

And if I pick up some readers? Awesome. I enjoy getting feedback. I enjoy knowing that someone out there enjoys what I write. So, please, feel free to share with others. I do like that. But, again, no offense, but that’s not why I write.

I have written Least of Men consistently, nearly weekly, for over two months now. And it’s been fun. I’ve also posted some of the parts before I would have liked to put them up. I like going through multiple revisions. Not every part got the polish I like. Overall, I see definite weaknesses.

I push to publish something weekly because if I don’t have that drive… I find I don’t write. Publishing keeps me honest. It means I keep pushing forward. So, even if no one reads (which isn’t my preference even if readership isn’t my goal) — even if no one reads, I still have something driving me to write. An exterior push, which helps a good amount.

So you may see some clunkers on here. I admit it. Call me on it if you happen to read one.

But I do intend to keep writing long after they turn out the lights on me. I’m not writing to get read. I’m writing because the story is there within me. I want to let it out.

3 thoughts on “Why Do I Bother?

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