Serial Saturday: The Tales Krimm, Part 1

Krimm could smell it. This was something new. This was it. There were multiple layers to the scent. A hint of sweetness, but with a brisk edge. A dash of salinity dulled by a sheath of warmth. Slicing almost imperceptibly through the ambiance was something specific. It was similar to a bat, yet different. Krimm stopped just to savor it.

His ears pricked up at the sound of talking. There were three… no… four voices. They were getting closer. The sounds they made were alien, strange–like something from one of his grandfather’s journals. More proof that he was close. Very close.

An uncharacteristic panic seized him. His goal was in reach, but was he ready for it? The voices got closer. What to do? They might be peaceful, but he couldn’t risk it. He surveyed the river-hewn walls around him. Up to the left was a small nook.

Krimm deftly leapt up toward the wall. At the apex of his jump he used his legs to push off the wall and up into the nook. He squeezed and crouched to fit inside. The voices would come soon, but they wouldn’t see him up here.

The waiting was killing him. He was so close, so close to seeing the “sun” that he had only read about in his grandfather’s journal.

Four creatures entered the room. They wore some kind of gear, but Krimm could tell that they weren’t all the same. One had pointy ears. Another was about Krimm’s height with long scraggly fur coming from his face. Krimm leaned forward to see a little better. His foot shifted. A pebble dropped to the floor.

The one with the pointy ears whirled around. Krimm knew what that was in his hands. He had to move, and fast, but crammed into the nook he wasn’t swift enough. The bowstring made that familiar thrum. The arrow rushed through the air. It embedded itself in Krimm’s right eye socket and he collapsed.

 —

Elorien swiftly pulled another arrow from his quiver and notched it as his gaze searched the rest of the room. There was nothing.

Rikard didn’t even bother drawing his sword. “Just one, Elorien? That’s sort of strange. Kobolds always hunt in packs.”

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7 responses to “Serial Saturday: The Tales Krimm, Part 1

  1. A good start. I like how you introduce the curiosity, as well as the alternate ways Krimm senses the world around him. I hope you keep your descriptions more, um, nasal rather than sight.

    I noticed a fair amount of forms of the verb “to be.” Some stronger verbs might make for more compelling reading. An example: “There were three… no… four voices.” A simple change makes the action stronger: “He detected three… no… four voices.” It’s a little thing, but it can make a big difference.

    One more note: I see you tagged “underdark” and “dnd” which clued me in immediately to the type of world you wanted to convey. However, to those without that background — how well known are kobolds? Elves and dwarves, I believe, you can assume to be common knowledge. Will we get a physical description for Krimm in the next installment? (For me, the revelation of Krimm’s race provided some delight. I expected a drider or a dark elf or some such! So, for those in the know, or at least for me, this was great misdirection!)

    • I detect some super helpful tips in your comments! 😉

      Seriously, thank you! Two problems that I know I struggle with in my writing are:
      – Wordiness
      – Telling, not showing

      Added to that, my original trade had little to do with literature, so I’m not as well-practiced in producing good writing. Truly, I’m a writer with room for improvement.

      Hopefully you guys and dolls don’t mind helping smooth out the speed bumps in my ability.

      • I’d say most if not all writers struggle to master “show don’t tell.” You’ve already conquered a huge mountain in recognizing the difference and deciding to struggle with it!

        And, hey, we’re all here on the blog to try and get better. 🙂

  2. Pingback: Serial Saturday: The Tales Krimm, Part 3 | Seeking the New Earth

  3. Pingback: Serial Saturday: The Tales Krimm, Part 4 | Seeking the New Earth

  4. Pingback: Serial Saturday: The Tales Krimm, Part 5 | Seeking the New Earth

  5. Pingback: Serial Saturday: The Tales Krimm, Part 6 | Seeking the New Earth

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