Siberian Husky knelt at the edge of the tower, gazing down on the city he had sworn to protect all those many, many years ago. The wind whipped at his face, forcing tears to his eyes. He sniffed. His pale blue spandex costume didn’t do much to protect him from the cold, but his great layers of fat protected him well enough.
And then the man standing next to him stumbled in the gust, knocking Si over.
“Hey! If we’ve got to share a roof, you could at least let me keep my eyes on the city, too!” Si grumbled.
“Sorry! Sorry! Ever since I got bitten by a radioactive Weeble-Wobble, I totter a lot in the wind, but I never fall down!” the Weebler responded, rocking back and forth on his rounded feet.
“That’s why I asked to switch spots with you last week,” said Pair-a-Medic, the woman with the power of two emergency responders. She offered her hand to help Si up. “I thought you’d stand up under his stumbling better than I did.” She grunted as Si stood with her aid.
“Yeah. Well, it’s not like I really need to watch, is it?” Si gestured.
Pair looked at the skyline. Superheroes lined the roof of every building up and down the street. “You’re right. I haven’t had to set a bone or take a temperature in weeks. It’s getting rather depressing.”
Si shrugged, scratching at the stubble on his second chin. “Well, you know. It’s not like we’re the best supers anyway.”
The Weebler skidded down the roof in another gust. “Hey, guys? Guys? Little help?”
Si and Pair glanced at each other, rolling their eyes. As they trod across the dark roof, Pair asked, “How’d your date with Samantha X go? I never heard.”
“Eh. It was pretty average.”
“That’s how I hear her dates usually go.”
They both offered their arms to Weebler, who seized them. “Thanks, guys. Ever since I got bitten by a radioactive Weeble-Wobble, I get pushed around by the wind a lot. But I never fall down!”
They lugged him back to the edge of the roof. Pair said, “Trajan dated her for a while, I hear.”
“Trajan? As in, the Trajan?”
“Well, there’s only the one in Barrelbottom, right? Anyway, it didn’t give him a scarring backstory or anything. She didn’t mess him up for life. No tragedy befell her. She was the normal girlfriend.”
“You set up a second date?”
Si nodded. “I figure she won’t scar me for life, and that’s better than my last girlfriend.”
Weebler pointed. “Look! It’s a criminal!”
Si glanced down into the street below. A man in a black-and-white striped shirt and a domino mask rushed out of the First and a Half National Bank. He carried a bag with a dollar sign printed on it.
“Eh. Someone else’ll take care of it.”
“Come on! I want to go!” whined Weebler.
At that moment, three men in bright purple tights crashed into the mook. He was on the ground, cuffed, and being hauled away in seconds.
Si shook his head. “The only thing sadder than rejected superheroes is rejected criminals. It’d be nice if we faced an actual crisis again some day.”
Pair slapped his shoulder. “Never say that! Never!”
Si shrugged. “Come on. Ever since Aragorn took care of Sauron, there’s never been a threat to Barrelbottom. Nothing outrageous will ever happen here. It’s the one city that doesn’t need a superhero.”
This is a Barrelbottom Tale.