It stood perhaps two feet tall, all gangly and out of proportion. Its head and feet, if it had feet under there, tiny. Its legs too fragile to support its squishy middles, and its arms dangling like broken elastic.
“What is that thing?” Devon wasn’t sure whether to be curious or repulsed.
“It’s an ugly sack of stink if you ask me,” Dirk held his nose.
Devon picked up a stick. The thing just stared at them.
“Devon, be nice. Maybe it’s hurt or something,” Julie swiped at the stick and missed.
“Yeah, right. Let’s just let it be and maybe it will follow us home. And maybe mom will let us keep it as a pet. And maybe I’ll grow golden wings and fly home.” Dirk laughed. “Go on, poke it. I wanna see what it does.”
Devon took a hesitant step forward.
“Yeah!” the thing glurbled suddenly. “Does!”
Devon backpedaled. Julie squeeled.
“Awesome!” Dirk cheered. “What are you?”
“What?” it burbled.
Devon and Julie exchanged a quick glance.
“Snarky? I said, what are you, you ugly stink sack? You have a name?”
“Name. Ugly sack.”
Dirk chortled. “Okay, that’s what we call it. ‘Ugly Sack.’ Said so itself.”
“Dirk, that’s not funny. Leave it alone,” Julie said.
“Hey, Ugly Sack, should we poke you with this stick?’ Dirk taunted, grabbing the stick from Devon.
“Poke. Ugly Sack,” it garbled.
“Okay!” Dirk poked the thing’s gooey middle. The stick came away covered in thick slime. “Oh gross!” he delighted and poked it again. He swung the stick around and shoved it under Julie’s nose.
“Ewwww!” she backed away.
Devon reached out and touched the slime. “Gross!” His fingers dripped brown ooze. He picked up a stick and joined Dirk in poking the thing.
“Boys!” Julie screeched.
“Boys!” the thing burbled back.
“Ugly Sack!” Dirk picked up a rock. “Wanna chew on this?” he taunted and threw the rock at the thing’s head. He picked up another, pretending to gnaw on it a moment before chucking it as well.
“Boys, stop! Stop it! Stop it, Dirk!” Julie continued.
But Devon was happily poking at the creature’s long rubbery arms now, and Dirk fired every rock he could find, laughing wildly.
“Stop!” the thing gargled.
The boys laughed harder.
“Stop! Ugly sack!” it rumbled again. Then it’s arm whipped up catching Devon’s stick. The boy froze.
“Chew this! Chew on some rocks, you ugly sack of sludge!” Dirk jeered.
“Chew!” the thing burbled.
“Awesome!” Dirk cheered.
Devon backed up a pace as the thing whipped its arm again, throwing his stick aside. Its arms coiled and tensed.
“Chew on this, Ugly Sack! Do the rocks taste good? Mmmm, yummy rocks. You just love rocks, don’t you, Ugly Sack!” Dirk pelted it.
“Chew this, Ugly Sack!” the thing glurbled again.
Then all at once, its arms whirled around and its middle exploded. Julie shrieked. Devon turned away too late. Brown goo rained down on them. It dripped from Julie’s hair, and Devon’s shoes were fairly glued to the ground.
When they looked up, neither Dirk nor “Ugly Sack” were anywhere to be seen.
I really could have just called this “Four-letter words.” You will notice that the blob thing only seems to understand and speak in four-letter words he picks up from the kids. Would make communication interesting….if someone had actually wanted to talk and not just throw rocks at him that is. In any case…This story should not have been written, but I wrote it anyway.